Friday, September 29, 2006

Dates and Stuff

Not much new to report. A week from today we’ll know if I’ve got a sac or two inside, and that will be a major milestone. I won’t feel great until I see a heartbeat though, and from what I understand that won’t be until 7 weeks. My favorite site to play with these days is the IVF due date calculator so I can be reminded of where I’m at-- I’m so bad at counting days. Today is 5 weeks 3 days.

Have I mentioned how eerie my dates are as far as lining up with other events in my and H’s life? We found out we were going to trigger on his 30th birthday, which was earlier than anticipated. The retrieval day was when we had our first date, 12 years ago. Transfer was the day H’s grandmother passed away. We have always planned to name our first daughter after her, and now that she passed away on that day, if it’s a girl it will be even more meaningful. We found out about our positive beta the weekend of our anniversary of becoming an official couple. (Yes, we still keep track of it, though we don’t do much other than go out to dinner that day.) Now here’s the best part of all--according to the IVF due date calculator, my due date is my mom’s 60th birthday in May, which is a few days before our wedding anniversary. It will be her first grandchild. Or grandchildren. H and I can’t help but refer to both embryos until we know for sure.

My mom is just tickled. Beyond tickled. When I call her and she hears it’s me, the absolute happiness in her voice is downright scary. I have never evoked this reaction from my mom before, and I don’t know what to make of it. I’ve never been the favorite child. My sister has always been the clear winner in that category. Now, my sister says my mom practically hangs up on her if she’s on the phone with her and I beep in. I said—how odd, mom was never that fond of me. Oh, but she’s fond of her potential grandchildren, my sister replied. My mom has expressed how great it would be if I had twins on her birthday, since she herself is a twin.

So you see the pressure I’m under here to deliver, no pun intended. Even though I’ve been wanting to make these first few weeks very low key and cautiously optimistic, it’s been hard not to be excited and speculate about good things to come. My mind has compensated by giving me a few bad dreams this week about empty sacs and complications. These dreams terrify me. My symptoms haven’t really increased, so I wish something new would happen so I could feel a little more sure that this is real, even if it is morning sickness. The other night I had cramps again and freaked out, but my chest was throbbing at the same time so I guess it was just growing pains. I haven’t had any cravings and aside from noticing a slightly stronger smell of a few things like coffee, I don’t think my super spider smell has kicked in yet. I sit across from the office lunchroom, so I think I would know right away. My location will be very unfortunate when the morning sickness does kick in.

6 comments:

Meg said...

Yes, I know what you mean about mothers there. I of course assumed she would be happy to hear the news, but I had no idea how happy it would make her.

Anonymous said...

I think that is one thing they forget to tell us in infertility school. The 2ww just becomes more waiting. Waiting for the first ultrasound. Waiting for the heartbeat. Waiting to find the sex. And that whole time, until you actually deliver the baby you just dunno if it will really happen for you.

I totally understand your pressure to deliver. :) It is neat how all of the dates are working out for you though. I would take that as a very positive sign! Hang-in there, it will be worth it - one milestone at a time!

Heather said...

Those seem like really good signs to me!

Some women never get morning sickness or have many symptoms, maybe you are one of them. That would sure be nice!

Lisa said...

Wow, the dates thing is neat. That's nice that twins run in your family...all the more reason you could be twice blessed!
I'm sorry about the dreams you're having. I envision it's just standard apprehension.
I've heard from many people that they lost someone in their family only to find out someone else was pregnant. Now if that's not a clear example of the cycle of life I don't know what is. Thinking of you.

Sunny said...

I am praying for good signs. I totally understand.

Keep up GREAT POSITIVE THOUGHTS even if you have to fake them!

Motel Manager said...

You may well see a heartbeat when you go in...just don't freak out if you can't yet. But it isn't uncommon at 6 weeks to see a h/b.

I love the overlapping of the important dates!