Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Why Am I Not Puking?!?

Scared shitless. That’s me these days. Not because of spotting, not because of extreme abdominal pain. But because I still really don’t feel much of anything new symptom wise, and I haven't had a hint of morning sickness. I never thought I'd be so anxious to feel nauseous.

Tomorrow is my ultrasound. I could leave the appointment elated, or I could leave wanting to curl up and die. It all depends on what the RE sees when he takes a look at what’s become of my two little 7-celled embryos. I read some blogs of folks listed as “expecting” on the blogrolls of sites I like and was horrified to find that some of them didn’t have happy endings after all. Some had morning sickness, saw a heartbeat, and then had it all go to crap a week or two later. Other saw their symptoms recede and their once lovely sacs disappear on the second ultrasound. It’s driving me crazy. There are just so few happy stories we ladies have to tell. It’s not right. The miscarriage rates are supposed to be pretty low, especially after you see a heartbeat, so why does it seem that the number of tragedies is much higher in blogword than it should be? I think I need to take a step back from searching out new blogs to “reassure myself” and just stick to the blogs I already read for camaraderie purposes.

I also signed up for an IVF discussion board, and nervously entered a chat room for those “expecting after IVF.” I was comforted for my lack of symptoms, being told that lots of women don’t have morning sickness and are still perfectly pregnant. But they were still there—horror stories of losses after pregnancies that seemed so secure. It’s awful. For me, this is worse than the 2ww, just as waiting to see if any of my eggs fertilized was the most stressful part of the cycle.

Okay, I’m still needing reassurance—anybody out there who didn’t have morning sickness and still had a normal pregnancy??? I never thought I’d see the day when I was so eager to be throwing up.

Oh--I just had some twinges in my stomach. Ugh! Not knowing everything is okay is killing me. Please, please, please God, let me have good news tomorrow! I'll be reporting to you all around noon.


Heather said...

I've never been pregnant but a girl I worked with never had any symptoms. Later in her pregnancy she got heartburn frequently but that was about it - oh, and she was tired more than normal. The baby is healthy and happy. I hope that you have an easy pregnancy and have a healthy and happy baby too!!

Jo said...

Nver had much MS at all, and what I did have was more nausea and no real vomiting.
Only other symptom I really ahd was heartburn the last tri.
I gae birth to an 8lb 15 oz perfect boy : )

Brandy said...

I didn't get morning sickness until about 6 weeks 3 days and then it was mostly just nausea all the time with throwing up maybe once a week. And I'm past 18 weeks and still throwing up on average once a week. But of course it's worth it! Good luck!!

luolin said...

It is frustrating that symptoms or lack of them is no real clue to what is really going on.

Good luck tomorrow.

lola said...

If there's one thing I learned it's that symptoms or lack-of mean NOTHING when it comes to pregnancy. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different.

I am unfortunately one of those stories where everything seemed perfect and then suddenly was not. For weeks I wondered why I didn't "know" or "feel" that something was wrong. Now I know that it was just bad luck and nothing could have predicted it or prevented it.

I can't tell you not to worry, I think you will worry every day since that is the nature of being a pregnant infertile, but just take it day by day and try really, really hard not to put too much stock into what people tell you about morning sickness, symptoms, etc. Treat yourself well, listen to your doctor's advice, and cross your fingers for some good luck.

We will all have our fingers crossed for you! I hope you get great news at your ultrasound!!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! I have said it before and I will say it again. For some odd reason I just know you are going to be pregnant. I can't wait to check on you tomorrow to see how things went -- and how many embies are still in there. :)

Motel Manager said...

It could well be too early for you to have symptoms. Or maybe you're just lucky! :)

Good luck tomorrow!

Sunny said...

I understand where you are and how you feel. I so want to be puking my guts up and down next time. It will just make me feel secure.

I am praying for you that you will see WONDERFUL babies tomorrow and be at peace!