Sunday, October 15, 2006

The Other Daughter

My younger sister announced yesterday that she is 5 weeks pregnant.

My initial reaction--Great! Wow! So happy!

My next reaction--5 weeks? That's it? She's telling everyone? She's using the p word and the b word? She's 2 weeks behind me yet light years ahead.

She told me she was scared to tell me the news, because she didn't want to steal my thunder. Hmm. Well, I hadn't really thought about that. My first thought was that her pregnancy would take some of the focus off of mine, in a good way. Now my parents could obsess over her, rather than me. That's the way it's always worked in our family anyway. My two weeks of being the golden child to my parents was a little weird.

It is a little too weird though that my grandmother knows my sister is pregnant, but she doesn't know about me. I was waiting to tell her on Monday, when I had a better idea of whether the twins were going to stick. Now that I've had time to digest this, I can't help but think--couldn't my sister have waited until after Monday? She knew my appointment was then and that I was planning to speak more openly about "my condition" after that. I guess old family habits die hard. My sister and I have always been great rivals, though we do get along very well now.

Luckily enough, H had the same reaction as me for once. Initial joy and excitement, followed by a big--Huh? Why tell everyone this second?

My sister kept emphasizing how cool it will be for us to go through this at the same time. Yes, I agree that will be nice, and having cousins the same age will be great. But her timing just stings a little. A little sting that didn't really hurt at first but now is starting to swell. They got pregnant after just 3 months of trying. Their worryless joy just further emphasizes how different my pregnancy is. I see in her eyes what I am missing out on since I am infertile. It sucks.

Her first ultrasound is Friday. Couldn't she have waited until the first ultrasound? Am I crazy? No, just infertile. And this is how infertiles react to fertile pregnancies.

On a different note, please give a congrats to Jena, who has seen her baby's heartbeat!


Motel Manager said...

I would definitely be a bit taken aback in your shoes. There is a big difference in the way fertiles and infertiles approach a pregnancy, but you'd think that a close relative or friend of an infertile would learn to be a bit more, I don't know, reserved? I mean, five weeks??? That is REALLY early. What is the point of spreading the news so soon?

Sunny said...

That would just suck. I am so sorry. You would think she would have thought it through but I guess she got lost in her joy. When you haven't walked in our shoes you have no clue what it is like. I am so sorry.

I can't wait to hear about tomorrow!!!

Anonymous said...

I am proud of you for being happy for your sister. I know at this stage I would be completely devastated if my SIL was pregnant. I think that shows what a good person you really are that you can be happy for her.

At the same time, I totally understand your feelings about her choice of when to spread the news and how early in her pregnancy she is. I feel that way about everyone who spreads the news so quickly.

Unfortunately, I think you are right. Being infertile, and being intellegent enough to research it and read blogs, has shown many of us that not only is it sometimes difficult to achieve pregnancy but it can also be hard to sustain it. Fertiles are naive to the many dangers that are out there.

While we would all love to be naive again, I think you will definitely have a greater appreciation for your pregnancy and for the babies that result because of your knowledge and all of the steps that it took you to get to this point -- remind yourself of this when the going does get rough with your sis.

GLouise said...

Five weeks seems super early to be telling people.... "so, sis- you had sex three weeks ago!" :-)