Sunday, October 15, 2006

Infertile Men are from Mars, Infertile Women are from the Next Galaxy

Thanks so much for your supportive remarks on my last post. Things are better now. I think H and I really just have different ways of expressing our frustration over dealing with infertility, and whether you get a positive or not I see now that you're still going to be coping with being infertile every day. While H focuses on the tangible, concrete impacts of IF, I'm focused on the emotional. I really agreed with the approach of letting him worry about the $ without complaining to me about it while I worry about the shots and appointments without complaining to him about them. It's not that I'm not aware of the money situation; it just isn't my focus. As the "male provider," H sees the money thing as his part of the problem to address.

Sometimes I just can't help but feel that I've been the stronger one in dealing with this whole mess, and so it upsets me that he can't just put my feelings first and keep some of his comments to himself. Lord knows I have kept my mouth shut on days when the shots were extremely painful and the wand poking extra invasive. But it just comes down to the truth we all know--no matter how great your partnership is with your husband (and I think mine is pretty great), the burden of treating IF is on the woman. I do think some of the infertile men out there really get it (especially Smarshy), but really you can't get what it's like to actually go through the physical impact of IF treatment and its emotional ramifications until you do. And, as with pregnancy, that's just something the boys aren't going to get to experience. We woman are pretty strong creatures, don't you think?

Of course, giving the guys some credit, we can't know what it's like to feel helpless in treating IF--there's really nothing they can do but hold our hands and do their thing in a cup. At least we have an active role. I know I felt alot better about dealing with IF once the IVF cycle actually started and I was doing things. That was the point when H felt worse, because all he could do was watch while I got a million shots. He hates giving me shots and I know he would trade places with me if he could. It's unbalanced and unfair, just like everything else with IF.

So, on to a new day...

1 comment:

Rob said...

Emmie - great description! I know that's how I feel when Jena would get upset - helpless. There's just nothing you (that is, I) could do. Even though I want to share the burden, there's very little I can actually do.