Saturday, August 19, 2006

Feeling Better than Last Week

My little happy list pep talk helped me cheer up yesterday, and when my big box of meds arrived at work, I didn't even freak out like I thought I would. Part of what made me start to snap out of it was that I met a former co-worker for lunch. She's a pretty upbeat person overall, but she is on medication for depression and has been for a long time. She's 36, single, has a job she hates, lives alone in a tiny one bedroom condo, and all of her family live 8 hours away. She would like to have a guy in her life, but it never seems to work out. She decided a long time ago that she probably wasn't cut out for kids, and she is not really bothered about it. I wonder though. If she had the right guy suddenly, would she change her mind?

Anyhow, after saying goodbye to her and walking back to my office, I felt guilty for feeling so bad for myself when I have so many great things in my life that others are still searching for. It seems like so many of us IF'ers are in the same boat. We have so much going for us, except this one big glaring exception. That contrast can be so startling that I often lose sight of everything else. So, I need to remember not to take the good things I have for granted.

While I'm feeling more positive, H is really, really depressed. He has been very teary eyed whenever we talk about treatment and has been moping around all week. I've been doing my best to cheer him up, but nothing is helping. He is having a hard time at work right now, so that makes it even worse. Any ideas about how I can help him? He is taking this so hard, which is natural, but I don't want him to drown in it.

Today we're going to a party with some of his friends, and I'm worried that will make things even worse. A lot of the people going to be there have infants we haven't seen yet, and I know we're going to get questioned about our lack of child. I'm afraid my current good mood will go downhill pretty fast, and then I'll have no chance of pulling H out of his funk. At least there is one couple there that has proudly proclaimed that they never intend to have kids. They should be safe to hang out with if the baby talk gets too tough.

1 comment:

GLouise said...

Hope you survived the party!

Poor H. I guess the reality of IVF is setting in for him. It is interesting how sometimes husbands and wives experience different emotions during this ivf journey.