Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Seriously Scared

I've spent the last week thinking that nothing was really wrong with my breast--it's just a little red and larger than my left side. The ultrasound showed nothing and the breast specialist didn't think I needed a mammogram, saying it's too risky with the pregnancy. She said although it looks a little infected, there's no real evidence of infection. Then I suddenly read this last night, after hearing about it on the evening news.

I had never heard of inflammatory breast cancer. The most deadly kind that can't be detected by ultrasound or mammogram and often is thought to be an infection. There is no lump associated with this cancer. I was already starting to panick a little.

Then I called my dad, who was on the phone with my aunt. Evidently my cousin, the one with twins, had just had a biopsy done for inflammatory breast cancer that day. They're pretty sure she has it. Symptoms--a rash on her breast that looks infected but isn't.

Oh my God.

I have my next doctor appointment on Monday, so I guess we'll see where to go from there. The only way to diagnose is through a biopsy. The thing is--I don't know what I will do if they confirm cancer. My primary concern is for the twins. I'd rather wait until I've had them before seeking treatment. But with this type of cancer, waiting that long might be too late, for all of us.

Please God don't let this be happening.

13 comments:

Carrie P said...

Delurking to say I'm sorry you're going through this fear. I just hope you can hold tight and breathe deeply until Monday.

Anonymous said...

Slow down. Take a deep breath. Now call your doctor and express your concerns. Hopefully they will be able to get you in earlier. This type of stress is not good for you, or the twins.

Don't jump ahead of yourself and take things a step at a time. God does not give us more than we can handle.

Hang in there. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Motel Manager said...

Jeez - that is really scary. I'm hoping that you DON'T have it, of course. But the worry would drive me nuts, too. I am not much of a pray-er, but I will definitely pray for you.

Also, would it make sense to try to get into a specialist earlier, just so you don't have to sit in the agonizing purgatory of waiting? I am all about jumping to the specialist - screw jumping through hopes to get there. Your peace of mind is worth it.

Hang in there. That sounds so feeble in the face of the fears you are facing, but I am really hoping this is all nothing.

Melissa said...

Oh Emmie...I'm hoping that it isn't what you think it is. I just can't believe it. Lots of hugs and prayers your way.

GLouise said...

Oh Emmie- this sounds so awful. I had never even heard of this...I agree with some of the other posters... Is there any way you can jump right over to a specialist instead of having to wait til Monday? I just hate the fact that you have to wait so long for more information.

luolin said...

I hope so much it is a false alarm, and I am so sorry about your cousin.

I am with the people who said to try to get seen earlier by your dr or a specialist. The family history might make a difference in how they look at it.

Thinking of you this week more than ever.

Heather said...

I'm praying for you - and for your cousin.

Anonymous said...

I can't even begin to imagine how scared you must be. Try to stay as calm as you can, since you don't know for sure that's what this is and you don't want any more stress than necessary right now, until you go back to the doctor. You, your twins, and your whole family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hopeful Mother said...

Emmie, I really hope you are able to get some answers soon, and that this is nothing. I will be thinking of you and praying for good results.

Jena said...

Oh Emmie! I hope it's a false alarm! You're in my thoughts.

Michelle said...

Oh, Emmie, I am so sorry. How unbelievably scary. (And I'm sorry to hear about your cousin - that just sucks.) Go get your biopsy, and here's to you finding out that you have nothing to worry about.

Lara said...

Im thinking about you and hoping for the best! Try to keep your chin up ok?

Meg said...

Emmie - Love.