Friday, January 05, 2007

Shh...Don't Tell

I haven’t had it in me to post much lately, although I have plenty to say. I think I’ve figured out why. I might just be happy. Truly happy for the first time in over a year. A whole year of unhappiness behind me. I don’t want the universe to hear me and smite me again, so I’ve been keeping it under wraps.

So what have I been doing in my blissed-out state? Scouring the clearance pages of Pottery B_arn and grabbing amazing discounts on items for the nursery H has started painting. Folding and unfolding the clothes we bought for the twins so I can touch something that will belong to my babies. Directing H in assembling closet systems we splurged on from the Co_ntainer Store with my Christmas bonus. Eating small healthy, snacks almost every hour to prevent the twins from causing me to collapse from hunger. Sleeping whenever I’m not online shopping or eating. I’m still working, of course, but that is just a temporary distraction until I can get back home to my critical routine of eating, shopping, napping.

Naps have been preferable to a full night’s sleep, because I am very uncomfortable after sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time. My belly and back start to ache, and I have a hard time rolling over to switch sides. I’m right on target for my growth, and I love looking at my big, round belly, but I see how the next few growth spurts are really going to start taking a toll on me.

In answer to Seattlegal, who notes that her weight gain is hovering at the same place right now at 12 weeks, I did find that I stayed the same weight for a few weeks right around the start of my second trimester. It freaked me out a little, but then I had a growth spurt of a few pounds and it’s been a steady pound a week ever since.

Hi to Bella, who wrote that she is 3 days behind me with twins! Thanks for reading and I hope to hear more from you!

I’ve still been keeping up on my blog reading, though I haven’t always been able to comment as much because beta blogger is evil. My replies keep getting eaten by it.

So, now you know the truth. I’m scared to write about being happy. But I’m trying it out a little anyway. Because we all know I’ll have something to freak out about again sooner than later, so I might as well try to balance my blog out with the good and the bad.

I still wake up feeling amazed that I’m actually pregnant. I’m grateful my belly is so big because it gives me substantial proof that this pregnancy is real. Some of the worst side affects of IF are fading. I no longer grind my teeth at night, and I am now able to put friends’ baby pictures on the fridge again instead of in the kitchen junk drawer when they arrive in the mail. But the paranoia remains, as I buy baby items tentatively, refusing to buy duplicates of anything should something happen to one twin. I justified buying one “twin” item (a cute frame that says “two of a kind”) by telling myself I can always give it to my neighbor who is expecting twins if something should go wrong.

I need to get over my fear, as my peri has instructed me to go out and buy the big-ticket items like car seats and cribs now in case I need bedrest in the months to come. The 30-day return policies on these items scare me. Thirty-day return policies are for a fertile world, not an infertile one.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for responding - that is really good to know!

I understand your fear of buying the baby items - I have that fear too. We did buy a couple things the other day, but they were small things.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand what you mean! I am ACTUALLY going to a baby shower. I used to avoid them like the plague.
I did break down and buy my crib set. This weekend I'm going to look at baby furniture. I decided I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts..just like you said "just in case"

luolin said...

It's hard to be happy, but it's good to feel.

We haven't bought anything, but I don't have the likelihood of bedrest to take into account (not that it couldn't happen, but I don't have doctors telling me to hurry up and buy stuff).

If you're really not ready to buy the car seats, can you do the research, and then buy them online when you feel more secure? (btw, Consumer Reports just came out with new tests of infant car seats). I don't know if that would work for cribs, though.

Anonymous said...

The sleep thing has been terrible lately. I am always up at 2:40-something. I ordered a special maternity pillow to try to keep me comfy and not on my back, but I'm failing miserably. One night last week I woke up with really bad hip pain that only went away with a stroll around the bedroom. I too am a bit worried about how my body is going to handle the exponential growth from here on out!

I was so glad to find cyclesista as I was waiting for my beta, and for once it was actually positive (that sure helps with the bitterness). It is really cool to connect with people exactly where I am in this "game."


jennifer said...

It sounds like '07 is treating you much better than '06! Enjoy this time! I am pregnant with twins too (17w) after a long journey and a horrible year and I am finding so much in common with you in your blog!

J said...

With all my pregnancy's I slept with a body pillow. I tucked it kinda in between my legs from the ankles all the way up and then I would tuck the end of the pillow under my belly. I swear by it and had some really nice sleeps (of course I have only had 1 baby at a time so I can't really compare there). Awww a two of a kind picture sounds darling.

Anonymous said...

Congrats. Enjoy it. I don't think it ever really sinks in. I was really freaked about buying the big items but my husband and I did it in one day after I had gone on maternity leave at about 34 weeks.

Michelle said...

That's wonderful to hear that you're feeling happy! I'm hoping to turn that corner one of these days.

And a huge THANK YOU for the vacation advice - what a fantastic recommendation! It looks like a beautiful place. We booked a condo through a private owner and I am so, so excited. Thanks!!!

Just another Jenny said...

It is hard to just sit back and be happy but it feels good when it happens. Those return policies are scary, I've just finally put in my order for a stroller/car seat. I hope everything continues to go well with your pregnancy.