Thursday, January 25, 2007

Getting Older

Work has been really busy lately, so by the time I get home each day I haven’t had much time to post. Thank you all for still reading!

I turned 31 over the weekend, and it was bittersweet. I’m so grateful to be pregnant for this birthday, but I couldn’t stop myself from noting that I had failed to accomplish a goal in my life for the first time. I’ve always been determined to have at least one child by thirty. Turning 31 with no children showed how powerless I really am in planning my life, and I am such a planner. Up until now, I’ve been able to check off every goal I’ve mapped out for myself looking ahead in 5-year increments. So, I really didn’t feel like doing anything to celebrate a day that reveals my inability to achieve something that has come so easy for my friends, family, and most people around me. I know it’s important for me to learn that not everything is going to go according to plan. I guess I’d just gotten used to my Type A personality being able to get me the results I’m always after. I recently heard someone say, “Twins are nature’s way of teaching organized people to be flexible.” I guess IF is a part one of that lesson.

So, despite a few minor down periods, I did enjoy the few birthday festivities that took place. We had an awesome dinner at the restaurant that my “fairy godmother” recommended. The funny thing about dinner was that the restaurant owners had a sick baby with them near the reception area, and he was very loud. This seemed very unusual for the type of quiet, intimate place that it was, especially since we were treating this dinner as our last fancy outing without kids. Hearing the baby cry was a reminder that we may not have our babies in our arms yet, but they are indeed here and our lives have changed, even if it is happening a little later than we had originally planned.
(I’m just glad we are pregnant, because otherwise, hearing a baby out of place like that on my 31st birthday would have driven me a little closer to the mental hospital.) I’ve been feeling pretty sad about IF this week, and I wonder if I’ll ever really let those feelings go.

In other news, my sister has learned that her baby is a girl! She doesn’t even look pregnant at all yet, while I have the “hiding a basketball under my shirt” look going. At least if this is to be my only pregnancy, I’m definitely getting some major mileage out of looking and feeling pregnant. I’m so big already, I can’t imagine what the next 3 to 4 months are going to be like as I continue to grow! The babies are moving around like crazy, and that is what I am enjoying most about this pregnancy. I am very, very thankful to be able to experience this. I used to see pregnancy as an inconvenient thing you had to live through to get to your end result. I had no idea that feeling them move would be as great as it is. I am really enjoying each and every day.


Anonymous said...

I totally get the whole goal thing. I've been freaking out a bit about turning 40 this year and there's no way (unless i get pregnant NOW and then deliver very prematurely) that I will have a baby before I turn 40. However, if you really think about it, you did make your goal. They're just still cooking!

Anonymous said...

Ugh - I'm with you. I'm big already and I thinking of how much bigger I'm going to get makes me a little dizzy! Happy Belated Birthday!!!!