Friday, December 07, 2007

Where Do We Go From Here?

I'm at a crossroads. So many of my blogger buddies have quit blogging, as you can see from visiting the sites on my blog roll (which I just realized I accidentally deleted...I guess it's time to clean house.) Some have said goodbye, like dear Meg, one of my very first friends here, while others have simply disappeared.

It seems like an infertility blog is a hard place to keep coming to once you've achieved the ultimate goal--children. If you're trying for more, you usually stick around, and the blog remains laregly about infertility. If you're done building your family, your blog becomes focused on your kid(s). Those blogs are often twinged with survivor's guilt, and either they morph into a new Mommy blog or they simply end.

Then there is me. I have my two wonderful babies, and I'm done family building. Not because I want to be done, but because I have to be. There will be no more treatments for me. Adoption is highly unlikely given my financials these days. Plus, I feel like couples without any kids yet should have the first shot at adopting...(you know, the whole survivor's guilt thing.)So do I keep blogging as an infertile? Do I convert to a Mommy blog? I still feel like the only place people really get me is right here.

I have two close friends struggling with infertility in my real life now. One is on the road to adoption after failed treatments, the other is on the road to treatment.
Infertility has scarred my life, and I hate to watch it up close and personal as it scars those close to me.

I'm sick of the way infertility is treated by the media. The whole Oprah thing with Jenna made me livid. I'm sick of infertility being thought of as something that only strikes those who waited too long to have kids or those who waited too long to get married. I married young and my infertility certainly wasn't caused by age. Nor was the infertility of so many of those I know.

And if infertility does result because you didn't find the right partner until you were in your 30s, does that really make you any less deserving of some empathy??? Because you chose to bring kids into the world once you were ready rather than when you were too young, unemployed, or with the wrong guy?

So I've read that one in eight women are struck by cancer. One in six couples are struck with infertility. Everybody bands together against cancer. Shouldn't we all be banding together against infertility? Infertility might not kill you, per say, but it kills the family you are meant to have. How can people not see that? For those who can't afford treatment, infertility kills the family members you'll never meet.

I know much has been said along these lines and mostly we are preaching to the choir. If we can make any difference at all, it will be worth it to those who continue the struggle.


Jamie said...

I agree, the blogs do change after you have a child or children. I think that is a natural progression -- I have to admit I still feel better reading blogs of those who have children after infertility than those who did not struggle. I wonder when or if that will go away...

I think ultimately we have to write our blogs for ourselves. I see mine as a diary or a record of sorts of all that we have been through -- and that now includes a child. I am sure it will be more "mommy blog" than infertility blog -- at least for awhile. When you feel the need to write or to remember though you will blog -- if your need to write and share is gone than the blog usually goes too. I hope you don't choose to go that way... I would love to be able to "see" your children grow up through the blogosphere. :)

hope548 said...

If you want to keep blogging, blog about whatever you want to. People who like to read you will stick around to find out what's going on in your life! I'll keep checking in.

I completely agree with you that infertility does not get the attention or empathy it deserves. Whether we go on to become parents, we are infertile for life and the feelings will never completely go away. I suppose we are all survivors in our own way.

seattlegal said...

I've thought of this a lot. I've thought about quitting my formerly infertility blog, now mommy blog or perhaps simply changing the name. I just might do that because I still feel like I need a place to write things - to share things. It's sad that some bloggers have gone away, but I certainly understand why.

Sunny said...

Great post!

What a lame comment on my part. It is still early in the morning.

Don't stop blogging!

Morrisa said...

I agree with everything you said. I love to read the blogs of those who have children after IF as it gives me hope for myself. But, I undertsand that sometimes it is hard to continue blogging.

GLouise said...

I hope you do keep blogging!

I have gone PWD protect due to some sensitivities about our adoption. But would love to add you if you are game!

And, I also wanted to say, as an adoptive parent...Don't be afraid to look into adoption if and whenever you might be ready to do so! It really has added so much joy to our lives, and really, there are plenty of adoptive parents out there with a mix of bio and adopted kids. Don't feel badly for checking it out if that is an area of interest one day.