I only wanted a haircut...

So, now I share with you my latest annoying encounter with a fertile, as I mark a very tenuous 6 weeks with embryo and await my first ultrasound.

I got a much needed haircut on Monday. I had avoided getting my hair cut during my cycle because I had this eerie foresight that my hairdresser might set me off. I had no reason to think she would—she is a nice woman, not too much older than myself, who cuts hair for most of my neighborhood.

I get in the chair, we chat about the weather, and she hits me with—So, what’s your deal? Can you not have kids?

Uh, um, what?!??!? My mind reeled. Then I was angry. What the hell kind of question was that? What prompted it?

I breathed in deep and tried to act like a fertile.

“Why, I’m perfectly capable of having kids,” I said. “In fact, it’s too early for me to talk about, but I’m already on my way by a little more than a month.”

This prompted much excitement and congratulations, and she claimed her question was driven by “her mother’s instinct” telling her something was up. (She has three kids.) Okay, if that was your instinct, why did you phrase the question that way? Why not just ask whether I’m thinking of having kids soon like every other annoying person? Do fertiles now have to take annoying to the next level? Am I giving off strong “I’m pregnant from IVF” vibes or something? I’m only 30 people! Shouldn’t I have a few more years until your suspicions about my fertility or lack there of can be vocalized?

Thank God I did not get my haircut while I was cycling. If she had asked that question then, I have no idea how I would have answered. I probably would have cried. Why are people so stupid to ask questions that could have painful answers? I could see if I was close to this woman, but I’m not.

So, the rest of the appointment was spent listening to her giving me assvice about pregnancy, and she offered me a barely used crib that she no longer needs for her daughter. I said thanks, but it’s really too early for me to think about that, and I’d be happy to let her know once the first trimester is over. Which she immediately assumed meant I must have a history of problems to be so concerned, blah, blah, blah. I could not wait to get out of there. I may need a new hairdresser. Unfortunately, it was the best cut I’d gotten in a long time. I guess, if everything works out and I’m still pregnant next month, I will go back. If I’m not, there’s no way I will.